One time my faith was shaken, so that I was asking God to show me again, that I was still His son, and that He hadn’t left me. I decided to do what Jacob did when he wrestled with God, I locked my room, I got in my prayer closet, and I told God I’m not leaving here until you answer me.¹ I was a little scared when I said that, because I had no intention to lie, and I was worried if I had enough strength to wrestle with Him until He answered. After praying for a long time my knees lost circulation from kneeling and felt numb, then I began to unintentionally fall asleep and wake up, but I would keep praying when I woke up. Eventually though, I fell into a deep sleep and awoke with the sun shining. The words came to me, ‘I’m a son of God’, so strong, that I said it out loud, no emotion came with it, just those words. After saying them I got off my knees, for some reason I couldn’t stay and continue praying, I didn’t feel guilty, like God wanted me to continue wrestling with Him. But I do remember thinking well I guess I lied, because I gave up before God blessed me. I headed downstairs, not sure what to do next, for some reason I decided to finish a YouTube video I had started the previous day, by David Wilkerson. When I clicked play, I was amazed at what I heard. David set up the exact scene I had just played out. He said how sometimes believers just want to hear from God, or feel His presence, to know that they are His. But then he went on to tell how, one day, he went out to evangelize in New York, but he felt so unworthy he was struggling to go. The Holy Spirit spoke to Him, and said who he was a son of God. David went on to say how the Spirit speaks with a gentle voice, in truth. I then remembered the oddity of saying, ‘I am a son of God’, before leaving my room, it wasn’t odd for me to say it normally, it was odd, because I didn’t feel like I was a son of God. In fact, when I said it, I was thinking to myself, that was pretty odd. But I now realized that God was showing me through this video, that it wasn’t me it was the Holy Spirit that said it. I hadn’t lied after all, I had wrestled with God until He answered me, I just didn’t recognize His answer until He showed me that YouTube video. Then the emotion, of God’s love and peace, returned to me and I thanked God for His kindness to me.

① Genesis 32:26